12.27.2005

Happy Holidays

Two exhausted holiday partiers take it easy on the Monday after Christmas

[I'm sorry for the lapse in blogging that resulted from the happy chaos that is the holidays. Time flies when you're not sitting in front of the computer.]


The clock and I have had a different relationship ever since I had Tolby. The hour hand seems to tick away the seconds as things change before my eyes. My mother says I have no idea how fast life goes by; that before I know it, Tolby will be an adult herself; that I will be a grandmother. My mother, however, underestimates me. I am painfully aware of time. I cannot live in even one moment without the knowledge that it won't be like this for long. It's almost pathological the way I dwell on the future and its inherent absences. I know that bad things will happen and so I wonder when, and to whom, and how often. I think of death constantly because it is attached to time. People tell me about their grown children and I say it goes by so fast, doesn't it? It may sound funny coming from me, a 27 year old with a five month old baby, but I know it to be true. It goes by so fast. I don't blame my mother for thinking that I wouldn't understand the gravity of the clock, since it does seem like a sense honed by more experience than I've yet acquired. But I get it.

And that lack of blissful ingnorance makes my chest tight.
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1 Comments:

Anonymous Roxie Carol said...

I'm so miserable now that Xmas is over. I want to go back to Nana's where there's always food on the floor and people let me lick them.
God, I'm so depressed, I could shoot myself. If I had opposable thumbs. sigh.

9:36 AM  

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