I'm the Mommy, That's Why

So, about this mommy thing. Let me go on the record right now as saying that, in order for you to refer to me as mommy, you better have been pulled out of my gaping abdomen (or vaginal canal if things go a little more smoothly next time), spent at least six months sucking on each boob, and landed enough explosive poops for me to pull blog material from for the next two years at least. If you are not my child, I am not a mommy. I am a mother because we are adults. I know that I might get some resistance here, as there are many, many women who love to refer to themselves and other recent reproducers by this term (in all its mommy manifestations--mommyhood, mommy-to-be, stay-at-home-mommy, "Oh how I adore being a mommy," etc.), but I don't feel it. When I am speaking to adults, I want to use adult words. I will speak babytalk with the best of 'em, but if you are over the age of 6, I prefer mental stimulation and some acknowledgement that I have worth beyond my ability to produce milk and wipe shit from my daughter's armpits.

Of course, using the word in an ironical fashion is encouraged. Pop culture references such as "Mommy Dearest" are okay by me as well. But when the kids are at the babysitter's, and you're sharing a bottle of Lost Vineyards $3.99 Red Table Wine with my husband and I as Johnny Cash growls in the background, you're among adults. Sit down, relax, put another one back.

Friends don't let friends call themselves mommy.


Blogger GIRL'S GONE CHILD said...

This is one of the many reasons I stay away from "mommy and me." Also why I refer to myself as "master" around Archer.

6:24 PM  
Anonymous Chris said...

On the other hand, there are plenty of uses for "Who's your daddy" among adults.

12:26 AM  

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