The Witching Hour

My daughter has developed a nighttime sleeping routine which dictates that she will awake, and stay that way, if I so much as fart. And if the dog runs up the stairs right in front of her room? Or if a door I am so purposefully trying to shut in silence slams closed? Forget it. Tolby's up till next Tuesday. I am really quite beside myself.

The part that makes it so aggravating is that my husband is on the opposite end of the spectrum from his spawn--he'll sleep through anything. Then he will refuse to wake, meaning he won't budge an eyelid indicating that he and consciousness have reunited. But last night, after I had already lulled her back to sleep once at 1 a.m and she woke again at 2, I figured out the one thing he couldn't sleep through.

That would be me, screaming. Not words, just diaphragm-propelled sounds gaining traction up the windpipe so that they come out shrieking like those small but powerful fireworks you can buy legally in makeshift tents that spring up next to Interstates a week before Independence Day. It was a grand finale up in that bitch last night as I tore off the comforter, snapped on the light and stomped on the floor, wild-eyed and approaching motherhood induced psychosis. First a few volleys, then this: "Will. You. Please. Get. Her. This. Time."


"Please. I asked if you would get her this time."

He burrowed over onto my side of the bed and snuggled into my pillow.

"I'm talking to you!"

"What?" He willed the words out of a slack jaw.

So I screamed some more and felt so uncontrollably angry that I wanted to bash his unbreakable skull into the headboard.

Then I went into her room, brought her back to our bed, fed her, and let her sleep there the rest of the night.

Because Dr. Ferber can suck my right tit.


Blogger lynsalyns said...

I have SO TOTALLY BEEN THERE. Oh, God. Are our husbands separated at birth?

And re: your comment on my blog: we don't do routine either but if Emmie sleeps in the car she don't be sleepin' at home and that makes one cranky mama. I admit I live for naptime, all three glorious hours of it.

6:30 PM  
Anonymous rhonda said...

My hubz is the exact same way. Poor you, I totally sympathize.

6:42 PM  
Blogger Lainey-Paney said...

Been there.

My best "Bitch with a Baby" knock-down-drag-outs have been in the middle of the night...
"I didnt hear him crying" my ass.

Hang in there!

5:32 PM  
Anonymous BargainhuntB said...

Maya has significantly reduced nighttime wakings - unless she's teething, has a leaky diaper or whatever else random occurrance happens once every few weeks. When DH became a SAHD the new deal was HE was to get up with her at night - after all, this had been the deal when I was home, I figured why not now? It also coincided with the time I stopped bfing, so it wasn't such a big deal for him - his nighttime wakings don't even come close to mine and still he bitched and moaned. And still he claims "I didn't hear her" - I'm now working 3 jobs and sometimes find it easier to just get up and go in even though it's supposed to be "his" job because I'd rather not deal with his sorry butt... Happened last night in fact.

After I stayed up an extra hour so I could proofread his paper he had to hand in today. Ungrateful louse.

12:34 PM  
Anonymous krista said...

I am SOOO with you. I totally relate. My baby doesn't sleep deeply either. And yes, he sleeps in bed with us.

Ferber can suck my tit too.

4:53 PM  

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