Funny Guys

Last night I dreamed that I met Gilbert Gottfried at a hotel for an illicit liaison. The first thing he did was provide me with a used toothbrush with which to freshen my breath. He also had one for himself, which I thought was very egalitarian. Gilbert recently topped the Boston Phoenix's list of the 100 Unsexiest Men, but he will always be one very canoodleable specimen in my book.

In order to make me laugh, it helps if you can laugh at yourself. Or at least laugh at your own joke while you are telling it. I find laughter to be as infectious as the snot globbers that shoot out of the mouths of babes at Tolby's weekly playgroups. Such comedic contagion accounts for most of my infatuation with Gilbert. I once nearly drove off the road when he was a guest on the Howard Stern show bantering about capicola lunchmeat as eaten by mafia henchmen. He pronounced it "gobbagoo" and went on at length. I have no idea why, but that, right there, is funny.

Then there was Mitch Hedberg, whose comedy still is. It is my sad lot in life, having discovered him posthumously, not to be able to see this genius perform live. You should go find some of his stuff online. Maybe my favorite joke of his will help spur you on (though text is a poor substitute for the staccato emphasis of his delivery):

"I was in downtown Boise, Idaho, and I saw a duck, and I knew the duck was lost, 'cause ducks ain't s'posed to be downtown. There's nothin' for 'em there. So I went to a Subway sandwich shop, I said, "Let me have a bun." But she wouldn't sell me just the bun, she said that I had to have something on it. She told me it's against regulations for Subway to sell just the bun. I guess the two halves ain't supposed to touch. So I said, "Alright, well, put some lettuce on it," which she did. She said, "That'll be $1.75." I said, "It's for a duck." And they said, "All right, well, then it's free." See, I did not know that ducks eat for free at Subway. Had I known that, I would have ordered a much larger sandwich. "Let me have the Steak Fajita Sub - but don't bother ringing it up, it's for a duck! There are six ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!"


Blogger Michele said...

LOVED the Mitch story.

Not getting the Gilbert thing. He makes me throw up in my mouth a little.

But I did hear some of the other unsexiest people on the list and one was Larry David. I think he is sexy, so my taste is questionable.

2:00 PM  
Anonymous Dad said...

I'm glad that you finally got this joke out there instead of asking me to tell it and embarrass myself like you make me do at every family gathering.

3:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

....and they all want sun chips! hahahah

and drinks as well!

- Jon
- Daddy Detective
- www.daddydetective.com

8:51 AM  
Blogger T. said...

Love the post, but I think I love your dad's comment more! I wonder if the duck thing would work out here. Being the geek I am, I am totally going to try it the next time I get out of the sticks!

11:33 AM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Oh man I LOVE Mitch Hedberg. Such a tragic story. We have his cds and listen to them in long car rides and nearly crash he's so funny.

Try Louis CK if you like him.

10:36 PM  
Blogger Lauren said...

I love Mitch. I want him to come back to life damnit. He was way too funny. Actually, when I have to work with one of my really annoying talkative coworkers, I put Mitch's comedy cds on, and the guy shuts up for an hour. Mitch = miracle man.

6:34 PM  

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