I'm It

As proof of what a little pathetic whining can do for a girl, I have been tagged for my very first official Meme. What a delightful coming-of-age story for this late bloomer. You must realize, of course, that my luck dictates Memes will fall instantly and completely out of favor, making it so that I am the only one running around the playground looking for someone to tag while the rest of the girls huddle in groups comparing the size of their training bras and talking about the fourth grade victim of the Bovine Growth Hormone whose inaugural visit from Aunt Flo caused her to bleed all over the seat of her white shorts while chalking out a long division problem on the blackboard. That's just how it goes. But now for the "I Am" Meme, as sent by Redneck Mommy.

I AM: the luckiest lady on the block (not that that's saying much).

I WANT: to harnass the discipline necessary to write a novel.

I WISH: I was better at showing my husband how much I love him--but not too good, because he'd never get over himself.

I HATE: any recipe derived from liver. Pate. Foie Gras. Liver and onions.

I MISS: certain people in Massachusetts, Virginia, Florida and remote portions of Connecticut with whom I used to interact daily and are who are now relegated to sporadic phone and email communications because I am a horrible long-distance friend.

I FEAR: any phone call between midnight and 7 a.m.

I HEAR: the baby crying in her crib upstairs, which just doesn't have the effect on me that it seems to have on most other mothers.

I WONDER: if there's really anything wrong with my inherently laissez-faire approach to child-rearing. Or if I'm just rationalizing a cold, unfeeling maternity.

I REGRET: not realizing earlier that my mother is a human being. Not that I could've figured it out before becoming one myself. A mother, I mean.

I AM NOT: a registered democrat.

I DANCE: the same booty-shaking way no matter what song is playing.

I SING: really badly, repeating the same song fragments over and over, and always to the chagrin of my husband.

I CRY: regularly while listening to NPR.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: good at consoling people. I find it hard to reach out. More often than not I cross my arms across my chest, nod, and make sympathetic clucking noises.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: damn good cheesy meatballs. I usually take off my wedding and engagement rings when working with the 93 percent lean ground beef, then promptly forget about them so that it's days before I notice them sitting next to the kitchen sink and put them back on.

I WRITE: magazine articles, blog entries and copious posts in the local section of a newlywed bulletin board.

I CONFUSE: thinking about starting my novel with the actual act of putting my ass in a chair and writing it.

I NEED: to be more conscientious about bathing my daughter. It was easy when she was smaller and I had to throw her in the tub three times a day because of her explosive poops, but now her outwardly non-foul veneer makes it so I can go days without realizing she could do with a good scrub down.

I SHOULD: run at least four miles a day, pushing the handy dandy new jogging stroller I received on Mother's Day as a gift from my fabulous in-laws.

I START: my tenure as president of the local MOMS Club chapter this July. Wait, what's that sound? It's the angry hum of all my blog traffic slamming into reverse and high-tailing it out of here. That is, if anyone's still reading after I admitted to not being a democrat.

I FINISH: my plate. Always. Once I ordered an omelette at IHOP and devoured it. My waitress ogled the shiny plate with only the slightest trace of shredded cheddar remaining and said, "Wow, I have to give you credit. I could never have finished that whole thing by myself!" Do you think she got a tip? Do you?

That's all, folks. Now for the tagging: Chicken-and-Cheese, you're it!


Blogger lynsalyns said...

OKey Doke. But you stole all my answers, ha ha.

8:23 PM  
Anonymous Dad said...

I WOULDN'T call your dancing so much "booty-shaking" as "air humping."
I KNOW hundreds of people who can back me up on this.

9:17 PM  
Blogger J said...

I love your Meme! Great answers. :)

I'm tagging you now for the Meme on my page, so you can be in on two in one day! (I don't usually tag anyone, but I'm making an exception for you)

And even though I'm a democrat, I still like you. And I actually am not that fond of a lot of the current dems in office, anyway. Just hate the republicans more.

9:46 PM  
Blogger wordgirl said...

Not a registered Democrat??? Uh...oh dear. I don't like all of the Dems, but--like J--really despise the Republicans presently in office a lot more. I'll try not to let it matter. It probably won't.

11:29 PM  
Blogger Tori said...

I too have Presidented the MOMS Club....
In fact, I was a Co-President with my friend Kristin for two years. We laughed and mocked shamlessly and yet were devoted to our cause.
If possible - avoid the MOMS regional gatherings... they are a little scary, as you will find sorts who really enjoy crafting and have themed earrings. There is much that is blogworthy though my dear so you will come away full to bursting...
I can't wait...

12:46 AM  
Blogger T. said...

Well done! And I promise not to flee your blog because you are not a democrat. As a Canuck, I couldn't care less!

Thanks for playing. You have just made a stringy pig-tailed girl, with her finger up her nose, a very happy chicky.

11:13 AM  
Blogger Jene said...

chris - i'll back you up on the air humping (although sometimes she gets close to other people and is humping more than just air) :)

12:36 PM  
Anonymous Amy said...

I was thinking the same thing Jene.
I thought after belly dancing class there were more moves added to just the booty shaking???

1:47 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

And here I thought I was the only one who cried at NPR.

3:43 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Wait, you listened to NPR and you're not a registered democrat? Is that allowed?

5:26 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

What Mom-101 said. I'm Canadian and even I know that you have to be a Democrat to even listen to, let alone cry at, NPR.

And finishing your plate, always? Props for that. A girl's gotta chow down.

8:43 PM  
Blogger Michele said...

I am an independent, NPR listener and I liked this meme so much I had to copy.

I think the very fact that you worry about your laissez-faire mothering means you probably arent as laissez-faire as you think.

Soooo looking forward to the Mom's Club minutes from your perspective.

8:32 AM  
Anonymous lildb said...

I think you're cool as shit. That is, I have more respect for you than previously, due to your outing yourself as not-a-Dem. Given what it's currently de rigueur to attest to standing for in the political realm, ya gotta have brass ones to state that you may not swing that way. Anyway, I read your blog for the content of the writing, not for your political bent.

For what it's worth.

6:53 PM  
Anonymous Wendy said...

that was awesome - i haven't seen that one - loved learning more about you! Anyone that finishes their plate is a-ok in my world.

8:56 PM  

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